You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
