If that was your dad, he is hot
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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