You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
