It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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