Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Send help, water and tortillas.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize