I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
