i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
