You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
