just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
