My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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