Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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