Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
