tell your sister to shave her snatch
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize