Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My pussy is not your playground.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
