honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
