shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
