Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize