We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
