Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
