saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
