when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
