hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
