how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
barbara walters just said penis...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
