about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
