in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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