I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
