I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
