i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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