Got a toothbrush?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
