yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
