oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
