thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
