halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
