I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
