Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
