i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
