OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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