There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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