So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
