I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
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you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
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When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Of course I have a pirate flag
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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