Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
