She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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