Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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