Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
