If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
