Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Congratulations! We have a period
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
