i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
