Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Why is your signature on my underwear?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
