I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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