peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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