hotel room ftw
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
