ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
