I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
