She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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