singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
