I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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