I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
