uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
