I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
