Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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