yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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