bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
