so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
