Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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