i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
