he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
