You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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