And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
