I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
