ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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