I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just pee around me
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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