i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
