Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
